Tarbiyaning turli uslubi: to‘g‘risi qaysi?

Men yaqindagina guvoh bo‘lgan manzara: onasi bilan do‘konga kirgan 2-3 yoshlardagi bolacha oyoqlarini yerga urib yig‘ladi: «mana shuni olib berasiz, dedimmi, olib berasiz!» Ona esa atrofdagilardan xijolat bo‘lib, o‘zini qo‘yarga joy topolmaydi: «Voy, qara, mana bu xola doktor ekan, hozir senga ukol qiladi». Bola bir fursat menga xavotir bilan qaradi-da, doktorga o‘xshata olmagach, yana baqirishda davom etdi. «Uyga boraylik, senga konfet beraman», avrashga tushdi ona…

Tarbiyaning turli uslublari bor: kimdir bolasiga yaxshi ish qilishi uchun nimadir olib berishga va’da bersa, boshqa ona esa uni qo‘rqitishdan nariga o‘tmaydi.

Bolaga «pora» berish

«Aytganimni qilsang, konfet olib beraman»

Maktabgacha yoshdagi bola o‘zini yaxshi tutishi uchun ota-ona konfet, mashina yoki yana nimadir olib berishni va’da qilishadi. Maktab yoshidagilarga esa yaxshi o‘qishi, «besh» baho olishi uchun «pora» berishadi.

Muammo qayerda?

Bu uslubning samaradorligini hech kim inkor eta olmaydi. Ammo uni tarbiyaviy ahamiyatga ega uslub deb bo‘lmaydi. Moliyaviy haq evaziga barpo bo‘layotgan bu tarbiya usuli bolada oilaviy munosabatlar haqida noto‘g‘ri xulosa shakllantirishga olib keladi. Bu uslub oilada emas, ish uchun foydali. Oilaviy munosabatlar esa boshqa omillar ustida qurilishi kerak. Farzandingizni shu uslubda tarbiyalasangiz, undan yaqinlariga yordam berish, do‘stlik, beg‘araz yaxshilik qilish kabi fazilatlarni kutmasangiz ham bo‘ladi. Chunki u kichikligidan har bir yaxshi harakatlari uchun moliyaviy mukofot olib ulg‘aymoqda.

Qanday bo‘lishi kerak?

Albatta bolani mukofotlab, maqtab turish kerak. Ammo yaxshi ishning avvalida haq va’da qilish to‘g‘ri emas. Uning o‘rniga, masalan, o‘quvchi fazandingiz chorakni yaxshi baholar bilan tugallaganda, uni yanada yaxshiroq harakatga undash uchun oila davrasida kichik bayramcha o‘tkazib, bolani maqtab qo‘yishingiz ham uning tarbiyasi uchun foydali.

Qo‘rqitish

«Hozir do‘xtir keladi, senga ukol qiladi»

Muammo qayerda?

Bu uslub ham vaqtincha yordam beradi, ammo bolada sababsiz qo‘rqinch va xavotir hislarini rivojlantiradi. Bu yerda qo‘rqitish bilan birgalikda bolaga yolg‘on gapirishni ham ko‘rish mumkin. Natijada bola begonalardan, yolg‘iz qolishdan, qorong‘u xonadan qo‘rqa boshlaydi, yolg‘on gapirishni o‘rganadi.

Qanday bo‘lishi kerak?

  • Hayotda ehtiyotkor bo‘lishni talab qiluvchi holatlar ko‘p. Qo‘rqinch esa bizni xavfdan ogohlantiruvchi hissiyot. Ehtiyotkorlik bilan qo‘rqishning farqi shundaki, ehtiyotkorlik haqiqiy xavfga qaratilgan bo‘lsa, qo‘rqitish bolada xayoliy narsalardan qo‘rqish hissini uyg‘otadi. «Yugurma, yiqilib tushishing mumkin» kabi so‘zlar ehtiyotkorlik chorasi bo‘lsa, «Bo‘ri keladi, seni yeb qo‘yadi» deyish qo‘rqitishdan o‘zga narsa emas.
  • Bolani qo‘rqitishdan avval o‘zingizga savol bering: siz uni biror-bir xavfdan ogohlantirayapsizmi yoki o‘z istagingizni qildirmoqchimisiz? Ikkinchi holatda bolaga ta’sir qilishning boshqa yo‘lini qidiring.

Mensimaslik

«Ko‘zimga ko‘rinma!»

Muammo qayerda?

Bolada «yaxshi bola bo‘lsam, yaxshi ko‘rishadi, yomonlik qilsam, meni yaxshi ko‘rmay qo‘yishadi», degan fikr yuzaga keladi. Natijada bolada boshqalarning fikridan kelib chiqib harakat qilish hissi paydo bo‘ladi.

Qanday bo‘lishi kerak?

  • 3 yoshgacha bo‘lgan bolalarga bu uslubni qo‘llamang. Bu bola ruhiyatiga qattiq ta’sir ko‘rsatadi.
  • Bola biror yomonlik qilayotgan bo‘lsa, avvaliga unga bu xatoni tushuntirish zarur. Ikkinchi bor bu harakat takrorlanganda esa biror jazo turini qo‘llash lozim.

Aldash

Xalqimizda aldagani bola yaxshi, degan maqol bor. Aksar hollarda ota-ona bolaga u yoki bu narsani va’da berishadi-yu, ammo amalga oshirish vaqti kelganda «unutib» yuborishni afzal ko‘rishadi.

Muammo qayerda?

Bu va’dalar kattalar uchun arzimagan narsa bo‘lib ko‘rinsa-da, ularni bajarmaslikni bola sotqinlik deb qabul qiladi. Va’daning yolg‘onligini bilgach esa sekin-asta eng yaqin insonlariga bo‘lgan ishonchini yo‘qotib boradi. Bolaning o‘zida ham «va’da berib, uni bajarmachlik mumkin» degan his rivojlanadi.

Qanday qilish kerak?

  • Bolaga yolg‘on gapirmang. Unga tushunarli tarzda tushuntirishga harakat qiling.
  • Unga va’da berdingizmi, ustidan chiqing.
  • Ba’zi hollarda bolani aldab emas, ertaklar yordamida holatni tushuntirishga harakat qiling.

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