Bolani urmasdan bo’ysundirishning 8 Usuli

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  • Farzand tarbiyasi bilan shug’ullanish ko’pincha onalarning chekiga tushadi. Shu sababli ular bu ishda juda ham sabrli va chidamli bo’lishlari kerak. Ba’zilar bolani bo’ysundirishning birdan-bir yo’li uni kaltaklash yoki qo’rqitish deb hisoblaydilar. Ammo bu noto’g’ri xulosa. Farzandingizni urmasdan ham yo’rig’ingizga yurdirishingiz mumkin. Buning natijasida farzand ota-onasiga muhabbatli bo’lib ulg’ayadi, ularga ixtiyoriy ravishda bo’ysunadigan bo’ladi. Xo’sh, bunga qanday qilib erishish mumkin deysizmi? Quyidagi 8 ta tavsiya ayni shu haqda.
1.Imkon boricha yaxshi so’zlarni ishlating!
Farzandingizning noma’qul ishlariga kichkina jumlalar bilan chek qo’ying. Misol uchun:
«Aqlli bo’lgin»ning o’rniga «Tarbiyali bo’lgin, kitoblarni otma» yoki «Kitoblarning joyi tokchada» kabi jumlalarni ishlating. Muhimi, so’zingizda tanbeh ohangidan ko’ra tavsiya ohangi ustun bo’lsin! Bola sizni urishayapti deb qabul qilmasin! Bu unda teskari reaksiya uyg’otishi, qaysarlik qilishiga olib kelishi mumkin.
2. Aytayotgan so’zlaringizga o’zingizham amal qiling!
Farzandingiz kun bo’yi o’yinchoq o’ynashi mumkin. Ba’zida o’yinchoqlarni shu bo’yicha tashlab ketishi ham mumkin. Bunday o’rinlarda: «O’yinchoqlarni yig’ishtir» degan qo’pol muomalaning o’rniga «O’yinchoqlaringni yig’ishtirib, joyiga qo’ysang, sinmaydi, yo’qolib ham qolmaydi» deyish afzal. Agar bu kutilgan natijani bermasa,(ko’nmasa, yo’q deydigan bo’lsa) «Kel birga yig’ishtiramiz» desangiz, bola buni o’yin deb qabul qiladi va rad etmaydi.
3. Bolaning shaxsiyatiga tegadigan gaplardan tiyiling!
Farzandingizga: «Bu yaxshi ish emas» deng, uning shaxsiyatiga tegadigan gap bo’lmasin. Masalan, «Nima bo’ldi senga?», «Unday emasding-ku» yoki «Hyech qachon odam bo’lmaysan», «Moldan farqing yo’q» kabi gaplar bolaga salbiy ta’sir qiladi. Natijada u keyinchalik o’zi mustaqil ish qilolmaydi va o’ziga-o’zi «Baribir yaxshi gap eshitmayman» deb hyech nimaga hafsalasi qolmaydi.
4. Bolaning xohish–istaklariga e’tiborli bo’ling!.
Kichkintoylarning tabiatida o’yinga, o’yinchoqqa muhabbat kuchli bo’ladi. Bozorga tushganingizda ham farzandingiz darrov o’yinchoq do’konga shoshadi. Bolaning xohishiga e’borli bo’lish barobarida unga narsalarning, pulning qadriga yetishniyam o’rgantib ketish kerak. Siz unga: «Sen hozir o’yinchoq tanla, keyingi safar esa boshqa narsa tanlaysan». Yoki u bilan: «Bozorga borganda senda faqat 1 ta narsa tanlashga imkoniyating bo’ladi, yoki bitta o’yinchoq olib beraman» deb kelishib oling. «Yo’q, keyingi safar, keyingi safar…» deyaversangiz, bolaning ishonchini suiste’mol qilgan va natijada uning nafratiga sazovor bo’lasiz. Agar uning tilini topolsangiz, Farzandingiz ham o’zining qadrini anglaydi.
5. Bolani eshitib, tushunishga harakat qiling!
Fazandingizning holatini tushunishga va uni eshitishga harakat qiling. Mumkin: oyoq kiyimi siqayotganligi sabab aytganingizni qilmayotgan bo’lishi mumkin. Yoki qaysarligi, kayfiyatsizligiga boshqa shu kabi sabab bo’lishi mumkin. Sizdan cho’chib buni ochiq aytolmayotgandir. Bolayam bir shaxs, unga kattalardek muomalada bo’lish kerak. Buning foydasi kelajakda ko’p seziladi.
6. Maslahatlashishga harakat qiling!
Farzandingiz bir noma’qul ish qilib qo’ysa, uning sababini aniqlab oling. Balki uni kompyuter o’ynashdan man qilib qo’ygandirsiz yoki boshqa… Unga: «Hozir kompyuter o’ynaydigan vaqtmas, o’zimning ham singlimdan jahlim chiqib turibdi, hozir unga telefon qilib hodisani hal qilib olishim kerak» qabilida o’zingiz shu kabi o’rinlarda misol bo’lsangiz, bola ham jahl chiqqanda nima qilish kerakligini anglaydi va uni pismiq bo’lishdan asragan bo’lasiz. (3 kundan ortiq urishib yurishning ham oldi olinadi)
7. Bolani qo’rqitmang, poraga o’rgatmang!
Farzandingizni qo’rqitmang, u faqat jahlingiz chiqqanida sizdan qo’rqib, parishonligingizda bilganini qilib olishga o’rganadi. Oqibatda u shunday narsaga bog’lanadi. Uni poraga ham o’rgatmang, aks holda u sizda pora yo’q bo’lgan vaqtda aytganingizni qilmasligi mumkin. Pora narxi to’g’ri kelsagina sizga yordam berishi mumkin bo’lib qoladi. Bu ham tarbiyasiga ziyon.
8. Bolani maqtab turing!
Farzandingiz aytganingizni qilganida «Ofarin», «Barakalla» va «Yaxshi ish qilibsan» qabilida maqtab turishingiz, farzandingizdagi shijoatni kuchaytiradi. Ba’zida yig’laganida: «Menga katta kishilardek ish qilganing yoqdi, lekin har narsaga yig’lashing hunuk ish» deng.
Ba’zi otalar farzandlari Qur’oni Karimdan yod olsa, uning yod olganlarining mukofoti sifatida bir lavhaga yoki qog’ozga 1 ta yulduzcha osib qo’yishadi, u yulduzchalar 5 taga yetganida unga yangi o’yinchoq yoki shunga o’xshagan narsa sotib olib berishadi.
Albatta, farzand tarbiyasi har qanday onaga qiyin, lekin ular sabr va matonatli bo’lishsa, farzandlari o’sgan sari chekkan mehnatlari bekorga ketmaganini anglashadi va rohatini ko’rishadi.
Abdulloh Rahimboyev tayyorladi.

 

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